To My Antonio

My grief will not end. It is triggered by many things, mornings are hard, coming back home isn’t the same without you, and sleeping will never be the same with your paws on my face.

Many has been telling me that if I have effectively mourned your loss, I will then achieve closure. I’m not sure if someone lost his kid can achieve that ever, emotions are triggered in anytime and sometimes all the time. I’m trying to hide them but sometimes I burst crying because they are so strong inside me.

Charismas will be so hard without you around. I was gonna celebrate your birthday in February, but it will be hard on me and Ophelia.

From previous experience, and as time passes, I think the intensity of feelings about the loss will lessen, I might find ways to sooth or distract myself. But I will not be able to get over it because that’s impossible.

I came today to office to see flowers from my favorite colleague on my desk, with a note of “Remember all the love and fun”. Maybe that is a way to remember you, my beloved “Antonio”.

Today I wrote your name near to my heart because you will always be with me till I meet your beautiful soul in a better place.

Love, Mom