I LAUGHED IN FACE OF CANCER 🎗


Jasmine Elnadeem

What it feels like when you told that you have a cancer?!

When I was told I had a cancer, I didn’t yell, I actually laughed.

I don’t believe in fate or miracles. I believe that only my will can shape the future.

I always laughed when I panic!! Hahaha!!

Jasmine Elnadeem

The days that follow are full of shock, denial, fear, anger, and even sorrow.

I realised also that the ones who think they know me, they really don’t know anything at all.

My therapist lately told me that I’m a strong woman for being able to fight for myself over and over again.

But I have to say that I took long time working on my emotional state before I was able to actually share anything about my cancer to people.

Sharing my cancer story still not an easy task, I don’t know where to start, and when I do, people react to this kind of news in different ways.

Some reacted negatively for not knowing from the start. Others were reminded with their own fears about cancer and started to ask me questions as if I was an expert.

Jasmine ElnadeemJasmine Elnadeem

I believe that we are free to share what we want and I still refuse to share certain information which I consider very private.

In the end Knowing about other people’s personal experience of cancer can be a source of support and inspiration when you or someone you love is going through cancer treatment.

BE KIND TO THOSE WHO FOUGHT TO LIVE!!

There is beauty in a woman whose confidence comes from experience. She is not afraid to take risks knowing if she should fall she can pick herself back up and move forward. I have started to do this and I believe that you can do too!!

XOXO /J

ONLY THE LONELY


Jasmine Elnadeem

My inner critic keeps me awake at night.

When I’m down, I don’t leave my room for days, I don’t eat, sleep or stop thinking.

Being overwhelmed with much emotions makes me down, so down that I can barely move my limbs, get out of bed or even smile at my loved ones.

And when I’m happy I’m like a manic, I love life, people and I’m open for crazy ideas .

I dreamt to be with someone who knows how to hold me, speak softly in my ears and say “IT IS GONNA BE OK, BABE”.

Being surrounded with those who can’t help you or make you feel down all the time, it can be really hard.

Last time I broke down, a darling friend took my hand and tucked me into bed and I just felt as safe as a baby.

Today I’m far away from my darlings, sometimes I feel shaky, anxious and I panic. Panic attacks makes my anxiety have an incredible effect on my ability to control my emotions. Recently I’m showing inappropriate anger, but sometimes anger is necessary.

Jasmine Elnadeem

During my anxiety I empty my bladder frequently, I get numbness in my arm, I get nightmares, I feel on the edge, when anyone snaps at me I keep thinking non stop about that, my decisions are indecisive, I’m afraid of the crowd and being left alone at same time, my body/muscles are tense and in pain, I’m easily frightened.

I don’t know what I’m doing and though thinking of my problems for hours, I don’t think they are resolved. To me, the world is just a big scary place. Basically I feel losing control. I’m afraid of what waiting me for me in the future.

Strangely enough, I keep thinking of the things I have not yet accomplished.

Feeling that the walls are closing in around to suffocating me.

Anxiety can destroy your confidence in yourself!!!!!!

I’m no a superwoman. I’m still trying to stand out strong. Next month I’m gonna be 32 years old, so I’m a survivor.

In the end it is no shame to feel unwell or to recognize that you are hurt or disappointed or depressed.

Being depressed doesn’t define me, it allows me to see my human emotions which I’m proud and ashamed of them.

PS: This post is in memory of my best-friend who passed away at a young age.